Skip links


Why is it so much easier and faster for men to move on?

Dear Deb:
I moved out two months ago, and I just ran into my Ex out with someone else. This really hurts. Why is it so much easier and faster for men to move on?

Dear Hurt Friend:
From the outside, it certainly “looks” easy for those men who jump into new relationships before the bedsheets are cold. While not all men do this, and some women do it too, men are more likely to relationship hop. You could easily believe this means he’s completely moved on. Not true. When men invest emotionally in relationships, their feelings run as deeply as yours.

Why the difference post-breakup?

Women are socialized to express their feelings of loss, grief, and sadness in ways not taught to men because of societally imposed expectations of masculinity.

On top of that, women often have broader and more emotionally profound support networks than men, and they are more likely to seek support from a coach or therapist. Generally speaking, women’s ability to ask for help and use emotional coping skills makes them better able to process emotions and recover—but it takes time.

Those without the skills to deal with the messy and intense emotions that come with divorce rush to contain them by filling the vacuum with a warm body. In essence, a man who immediately begins a new relationship is using it as a coping mechanism that allows him to step back into the acceptable space of being the tough, stoic guy he’s “supposed” to be. He’s suppressed and compartmentalized his emotions instead of doing the painful work of healing them.

Put the Focus on You

It’s normal and expected that seeing him with someone else would really hurt. The most important thing you can do now is to continue to focus on your recovery. Remember, this isn’t about him. It’s about honoring and loving yourself by doing whatever is necessary to heal and move on.

Read the books, get the support (coaching/therapy), join the groups—whatever it takes—to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And remember to be gentle and loving with yourself as you come to terms with this unwelcome discovery.

On another note—The new beau is getting someone who hasn’t taken the time to heal from the past relationship and learn from it before “moving on” (that’s a huge relationship red flag).

For future reference—If and when you start dating, seek a partner who possesses the emotional intelligence necessary to do the work to process their emotions and heal before jumping into something new.  Asking questions like, “What are some of the things you did that helped you get over your divorce?” or “What are some of the things you learned from your past relationship?” will help you identify one!

Have a “DearDeb” question? Please fill out this short, two-minute survey and include the question you want me to address. 2-minute survey

Helpful Resources:

Leave a comment


    Thank you so much DOCTOR ODUNGA for making my ex boyfriend come back to me. I am writing this wonderful testimony in respect of this man. He made all my wishes come true. My boyfriend and i dated for more than 3 years and although we had had so many quarrels but we never thought of a break up. One day, he called me over the phone telling me how he is tired of the relationship and cannot see anywhere that we are heading to. Months have passed and my boyfriend did not contact me anymore and i did not hear from him anymore and his cell phone was disconnected. I knew i need to seek for help because of the so much love i have for him. I contacted this great spell caster because i have never contacted anyone before and i tell you that after a week of contact, my ex boyfriend called me and asked to see me and the next morning, he wore a ring on my finger. I am very happy because i am soon going to be a married girl with the help of this great spell caster. I promised to manifest your works to everyone and please contact this man to help you at


    OR contact him on WhatsApp +2348167159012

  2. Melony abeg I have never told you but I have loved you all this time, please, I am going to cast love spell on you, make e hook you. No go think of marriage no, no e go work for you. Na me go carry am

  3. Hello my name is Vivian Marcus from the United State, i’m so exciting writing this article to let people seek for help in any Break up Marriage and Relationship, Dr Kachi brought my Ex Boyfriend back to me, Thank you Sir Kachi for helped so many Relationship situation like mine to be restored, i was in pain until the day my aunt introduce me to Dr Kachi that she got her husband back with powerful love spell with help of Dr Kachi So i sent him an email telling him about my problem how my Boyfriend left me and cheating on me because of her boss lady at work i cry all day and night, but Dr Kachi told me my Boyfriend shall return back to me within 24hrs and to me everything he asked me to do the next day it was all like a dream when he text me and said please forgive me and accept me back exactly what i wanted, i am so happy now as we are back together again. because I never thought my Ex Boyfriend would be back to me so quickly with your spell. You are the best and the world greatest Dr Kachi. if you’re having broke up Ex Lover or your husband left you and moved to another woman, You do want to get Pregnant do not feel sad anymore contact: drkachispellcast@gmail. com his Text Number Call:: +1 (209) 893-8075 You can reach him Website:

  4. I just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met two weeks ago,I cannot say everything he has done for me and my family I was going through online when I meant this wonderful man’s testimony online how he won a lottery through the help of dr Ose I decided to just give it a try and my life is back to me now after i lost my job due to covid  he gave me a winning numbers to play lottery and i won 5000usd for my first play since then i have been working with him and he has been giving me numbers to play my lottery i can not write everything he has done for me if you need a lottery spell today contact him on
    whatsapp +2348136482342

  5. BE SMART AND BECOME RICH IN LESS THAN 3DAYS….It all depends on how fast 
    you can be to get the new PROGRAMMED blank ATM card that is capable of
    hacking into any ATM machine,anywhere in the world. I got to know about 
    this BLANK ATM CARD when I was searching for job online about a month 
    ago..It has really changed my life for good and now I can say I’m rich and 
    I can never be poor again. The least money I get in a day with it is about 
    $50,000.(fifty thousand USD) Every now and then I keeping pumping money 
    into my account. Though is illegal,there is no risk of being caught 
    ,because it has been programmed in such a way that it is not traceable,it 
    also has a technique that makes it impossible for the CCTVs to detect 
    you..For details on how to get yours today, email the hackers on : ( < Tell your 
    loved once too, and start to live large. That's the simple testimony of how 
    my life changed for good…Love you all .