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How long does it take to get over a decades-long marriage?

This is a question I get frequently, and it’s understandable. When you’ve been married most or all of your adult life, the question of how long it’s going to take to get over it is top of mind. After being married for years, it’s natural to strongly identify yourself in the context of being a “wife” or “husband.” Aside from getting over the divorce, you’re discovering who you are on your own—a question you may not have asked yourself for 20, 30, 40 years, or more.
Although divorce recovery is a process that takes as long as it takes, there are several things that will keep it moving or slow it down. Here are some things to keep in mind:

Steer Clear of Formulas
We humans love to have things quantified; it makes us feel safe when we know what to expect. There are commonly quoted equations for recovery, such as X number of months for every Y years married. Not only are these not truly helpful or even accurate, but they can have a chilling effect on someone divorcing after decades of marriage.

Although time plays a role, it’s not the most critical factor in recovery. The single most important factor in determining how long it takes to recover is your decision to do what it takes to recover. Following that, the actions you take to support yourself and how much you actively work on your recovery determine the length of your recovery.

Expect Twists and Turns
Healing from divorce is not a straight line. Sadness or anger can be triggered months or even years later with new milestones like the holidays, the day the divorce is final or your Ex getting remarried. Pain is information — it’s your heart’s way of telling you that something is ready to be acknowledged, healed and released. If you’ve been working on your recovery, you’re more likely to bounce back quicker. Just remember everyone is at their own pace, and setbacks are a normal part of recovery.

Be Where You’re At
This may not be what you would have chosen but here you are. You’re in pain and you want to know how soon you will be out of pain. That’s normal. We’re wired to resist being emotionally uncomfortable but resistance — of your feelings or your situation — stalls your recovery. Accepting your reality and allowing yourself to face and walk through your pain reduces your suffering.

Show Up for Yourself
The length and completeness of your recovery depend almost entirely on the actions you’re willing to take on your own behalf. Knowing this, you can decide to invest in yourself and do what it takes to get through it and get over it. That means you’ll:
  • Take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally
  • Gather a support tribe that includes good friends and family who will be there for you
  • Decide you’re going to use your divorce experience to learn about yourself and grow
  • Actively support yourself and your recovery with a combination of therapy, coaching, books, courses and support groups
  • Give yourself your own love and compassion
  • Avoid numbing yourself with drugs, alcohol, shopping, or jumping into a new relationship too soon


While you can’t and shouldn’t bypass the recovery process, your determination and proactive response will make the most significant impact on how long it takes.

With Love,
Deb

See Coping with the Pain of Divorce for more tips on how to support yourself.

Helpful Resources:

Visit www.DebPurdy.com for more information.
Join the conversation on social media:
Instagram: @lovedebpurdy
Twitter: @lovedebpurdy

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  1. How i came across this great spell caster who gave me my heart desires. This is a testimony of Dr. Odunga. My name is Morgan Rose and i am very happy that i today is writing this testimony. This spell caster brought my ex boyfriend back in less that 24 hours which up till now i still cannot believe it happened. Have you been emotionally traumatized? I don’t know you before but i will still help you to meet the good spell caster who can help you with any problem you are going through. Contact Dr. Odunga at odungaspelltemple@gmail.com so you can be a stress free person and be happy with yourself once more. His email is odungaspelltemple@gmail.com

    1. I just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met two weeks ago,I cannot say everything he has done for me and my family I was going through online when I meant this wonderful man’s testimony online how he won a lottery through the help of dr Ose I decided to just give it a try and my life is back to me now after i lost my job due to covid  he gave me a winning numbers to play lottery and i won 5000usd for my first play since then i have been working with him and he has been giving me numbers to play my lottery i can not write everything he has done for me if you need a lottery spell today contact him on oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com       www.facebook.com/Dr-odion-spell-temple-110513923938220
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  2. Hello my name is Vivian Marcus from the United State, i’m so exciting writing this article to let people seek for help in any Break up Marriage and Relationship, Dr Kachi brought my Ex Boyfriend back to me, Thank you Sir Kachi for helped so many Relationship situation like mine to be restored, i was in pain until the day my aunt introduce me to Dr Kachi that she got her husband back with powerful love spell with help of Dr Kachi So i sent him an email telling him about my problem how my Boyfriend left me and cheating on me because of her boss lady at work i cry all day and night, but Dr Kachi told me my Boyfriend shall return back to me within 24hrs and to me everything he asked me to do the next day it was all like a dream when he text me and said please forgive me and accept me back exactly what i wanted, i am so happy now as we are back together again. because I never thought my Ex Boyfriend would be back to me so quickly with your spell. You are the best and the world greatest Dr Kachi. if you’re having broke up Ex Lover or your husband left you and moved to another woman, You do want to get Pregnant do not feel sad anymore contact: drkachispellcast@gmail. com his Text Number Call: +1 (209) 893-8075 You can reach him Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site

  3. I just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met two weeks ago,I cannot say everything he has done for me and my family I was going through online when I meant this wonderful man’s testimony online how he won a lottery through the help of dr Ose I decided to just give it a try and my life is back to me now after i lost my job due to covid  he gave me a winning numbers to play lottery and i won 5000usd for my first play since then i have been working with him and he has been giving me numbers to play my lottery i can not write everything he has done for me if you need a lottery spell today contact him on oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com       www.facebook.com/Dr-odion-spell-temple-110513923938220
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  4. I have been suffering from Herpes for the past 1 years and 8 months, and ever since then I have been taking series of treatment but there was no improvement until I came across testimonies of Dr. Silver on how he has been curing different people from different diseases all over the world, then I contacted him as well. After our conversation he sent me the medicine which I took according to his instructions. When I was done taking the herbal medicine I went for a medical checkup and to my greatest surprise I was cured from Herpes. My heart is so filled with joy. If you are suffering from Herpes or any other disease you can contact Dr. Silver today on this Email address: drsilverhealingtemple@gmail.com or Whatsapp +2348120513902

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  6. I just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met two weeks ago,I cannot say everything he has done for me and my family I was going through online when I meant this wonderful man’s testimony online how he won a lottery through the help of dr Ose I decided to just give it a try and my life is back to me now after i lost my job due to covid  he gave me a winning numbers to play lottery and i won 5000usd for my first play since then i have been working with him and he has been giving me numbers to play my lottery i can not write everything he has done for me if you need a lottery spell today contact him on oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com       www.facebook.com/Dr-odion-spell-temple-110513923938220
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  7. I have been suffering from Herpes for the past 1 years and 8 months, and ever since then I have been taking series of treatment but there was no improvement until I came across testimonies of Dr. Silver on how he has been curing different people from different diseases all over the world, then I contacted him as well. After our conversation he sent me the medicine which I took according to his instructions. When I was done taking the herbal medicine I went for a medical checkup and to my greatest surprise I was cured from Herpes. My heart is so filled with joy. If you are suffering from Herpes or any other disease you can contact Dr. Silver today on this Email address: drsilverhealingtemple@gmail.com or Whatsapp +2348120513902

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  12. AUDIENCE PLEASE READ THIS.

    Hello, my name is Anita Wolverine from the United States. I am excited to write this article for people seeking help in any marriage and relationship breakup. The Prophet Isaac reunited me with a lost lover and the Prophet Isaac has helped me restore peace and love in many relationships and marital situations. I emailed him via urspellcast01@gmail.com telling him my problem and how my husband left me. Prophet Isaac encouraged me and told me that my husband will return home within 3 days. 48 hours later everything was like a dream when my husband texted me and said please my love forgive me and take me back.

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  13. AUDIENCE PLEASE READ THIS.

    Hello, my name is Anita Wolverine from the United States. I am excited to write this article for people seeking help in any marriage and relationship breakup. The Prophet Isaac reunited me with a lost lover and the Prophet Isaac has helped me restore peace and love in many relationships and marital situations. I emailed him via urgentspellcast01@gmail.com telling him my problem and how my husband left me. Prophet Isaac encouraged me and told me that my husband will return home within 3 days. 48 hours later everything was like a dream when my husband texted me and said please my love forgive me and take me back.

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  14. He cast spells for different purposes like(1) If you want your ex back.
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  19. I have been suffering from Herpes for the past 1 years and 8 months, and ever since then I have been taking series of treatment but there was no improvement until I came across testimonies of Dr. Osazu on how he has been curing different people from different diseases all over the world, then I contacted him as well. After our conversation he sent me the medicine which I took according to his instructions. When I was done taking the herbal medicine I went for a medical checkup and to my greatest surprise I was cured from Herpes. My heart is so filled with joy. If you are suffering from Herpes or any other disease you can contact Dr. Osazu today on this Email address: osazu_spell@outlook.com

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  23. I have been suffering from Herpes for the past 1 years and 8 months, and ever since then I have been taking series of treatment but there was no improvement until I came across testimonies of Dr. Silver on how he has been curing different people from different diseases all over the world, then I contacted him as well. After our conversation he sent me the medicine which I took according to his instructions. When I was done taking the herbal medicine I went for a medical checkup and to my greatest surprise I was cured from Herpes. My heart is so filled with joy. If you are suffering from Herpes or any other disease you can contact Dr. Silver today on this Email address: drsilverhealingtemple@gmail.com or Whatsapp +2348120513902

    [].

  24. LOTTERY JACKPOT.  I’m Mary Hamilton From the UK. Straight away after Dr. Akereco cast the Lottery spell for me, I felt enveloped by the spell’s control. What’s-App: +2349077425515 This spell changed my life into riches. I am now out of debt and experiencing the most amazing good luck with the lottery after I won a huge amount of money. I have more luck now than I ever had in my life. I won 12.935,936,30 million pounds. Your lottery spell did wonders, I can’t believe it. Thank you so much sir for dedicating your time to cast the lottery spell for me. I am eternally grateful for the lottery spell Dr. Akereco did for me. You can contact him for a legit lottery number.Email Address: drakerecospellcaster@gmail.com Visit his website: http://drakerecoproblemssolutionhome.website2.me You can also WhatsApp him at What’s-App: +2349077425515

  25. LOTTERY JACKPOT.  I’m Mary Hamilton From the UK. Straight away after Dr. Akereco cast the Lottery spell for me, I felt enveloped by the spell’s control. What’s-App: +2349077425515 This spell changed my life into riches. I am now out of debt and experiencing the most amazing good luck with the lottery after I won a huge amount of money. I have more luck now than I ever had in my life. I won 12.935,936,30 million pounds. Your lottery spell did wonders, I can’t believe it. Thank you so much sir for dedicating your time to cast the lottery spell for me. I am eternally grateful for the lottery spell Dr. Akereco did for me. You can contact him for a legit lottery number.Email Address: drakerecospellcaster@gmail.com Visit his website: http://drakerecoproblemssolutionhome.website2.me You can also WhatsApp him at What’s-App: +2349077425515

  26. Many people have written articles about how they were helped by a spell caster but I am eternally grateful to this great man who brought my ex-husband back to me. This testimony is a true story and my name is Jennifer Sanchez. When I came in contact with this man was also through a testimony written about him helping with a cure for Herpes Virus and I have also encountered many testimonies about how he has been helping others with their life to win the lottery. To get back with an ex is one of the most innermost feelings many people would love to experience especially as those memories with our ex always cloud our mind when someone else does some of those things our ex used to do. I was a single parent of two boys for almost 6 years and though my ex-husband was not staying with me and the kids I still wish someday he will return to me. This doctor I encountered is known as Dr. Odunga helped me with my wishes and I am happy to write on this website that my ex-husband is back with me. I am very happy to share the testimony with everyone so that they too can meet this great doctor and solve their problems. I don’t know what others might feel about getting their ex back in their life but I always know there is a blessing in disguise with just a single re-connection with an ex. If you want to successfully get back with your ex or facing an infertility problem, contact this great man at odungaspelltemple@gmail.com Or WhatsApp/Call +2348167159012 and share an awesome testimony too just as I did

  27. I have a testimony to share..
    It can only be God. Having my ex husband back has brought great joy in my life. My husband left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. I tried to be strong just for the kids but I could not control the pains that tormented my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because I was really in love with my husband. I have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Mako a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 24hours. Me and my husband and I are living happily together today, This man is powerful. You can contact him now. I will advise anyone that has marriage or relationship problems to contact Dr Mako now he’s the solution to all your problems. Here is his contact. WhatsApp him at: +27840213744″Or email him at: Makospelltemple@gmail.com
    Name. Dena Sarah

  28. I have a testimony to share..
    It can only be God. Having my ex husband back has brought great joy in my life. My husband left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. I tried to be strong just for the kids but I could not control the pains that tormented my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because I was really in love with my husband. I have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Mako a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 24hours. Me and my husband and I are living happily together today, This man is powerful. You can contact him now. I will advise anyone that has marriage or relationship problems to contact Dr Mako now he’s the solution to all your problems. Here is his contact. WhatsApp him at: +27840213744″Or email him at: Makospelltemple@gmail.com
    Name. Dena Sarah