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Dear Deb: How Can I Ever Trust Again After Being Cheated On?

Dear Deb:
I thought I’d married a great guy and that we had a good marriage. Then I found out he had an affair for the last five years of our 22-year marriage. The divorce is bad enough, but I’ve lost all faith in humanity. How will I ever be able to trust again?

Dear Betrayed:
You’re asking a great question that points to the devastation caused by infidelity. Trust is a gift we give with our most vulnerable hearts. Your world is shattered when your partner betrays your trust and trashes that sacred gift. Of course, you’re shaken to your core and feel it’s unsafe to ever give your trust again. But you deserve to love and trust again, and the first step is to decide that you aren’t going to let your Ex’s actions destroy your future happiness.

Here are some things to know about learning to trust again:

Cheating is all about the cheater. Don’t make your Ex’s cheating mean anything about your worth and value because it doesn’t. All external behaviors are mirrors of one’s internal landscape. If another person betrays you, that’s coming directly from their unresolved inner issues. Although your Ex’s actions impact your experience, they aren’t really about you or something you lack. They’re about something lacking in your Ex. This doesn’t mean there weren’t other issues in the relationship that both parties could have contributed to, but the act of cheating is a reflection on the cheater, not you.

Your healing comes first. Your ability to trust another partner will hinge on you being emotionally healthy and fully healed before entering a new relationship. That means moving through your pain, hurt, and anger to acceptance. Check in and see if you’re feeling like a victim (which is understandable but not helpful to your recovery). If so, rate your willingness to be a power player in your own story by using your divorce to your advantage. That is using it to learn about yourself and reinvent your life. If you do, you’ll come out of your divorce more confident, not less.

There are many great potential partners out there who would never cheat. If and when you decide to get back out there, prioritize loyalty, dependability, and integrity over immediate chemistry or other surface-level attractions. You can look at someone’s relationship track record—and whether or not they’re loyal in non-romantic relationships—to get a good picture of their character. Research says that 20% of men and 13% of women report cheating. Although men are more likely to cheat than women, most don’t.

Trusting someone else starts with trusting yourself. Trusting yourself begins with working on self-awareness and self-worth. Using your divorce to learn about your relationship patterns and unhealed wounds increases your self-awareness, which gives you the basis for valuing and trusting yourself. Instead of thinking, “How can I ever trust again?” you’ll shift to “I love and trust myself enough to know that I’ll take care of myself in any situation.” That’s the ultimate safety.

You Ex broke your trust, but they can’t break you.


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  30. My Name is Brayn Morgan I would like to tell the world about a very special man, he is spell caster DR koko I found out about DR koko through the testimonials of others that the Dr helped with on various issues. I had contacted DR koko for help in bringing back to me my girlfriend/lover, we had split over a terrible fight, I tried to reconcile but to no avail. The DR said this was a easy thing for him to do, he said he would cast a love spell on her and this would bring her back to me. I was a little disbelieving because I never heardof such a thing, but he told me to trust him, so i put faith in what he was telling me. Sure enough, 3 days after the love spell was cast, my girlfriend/lover called me and we are now back together, all because of DR koko He also cured my hiv disease, this was done by drinking a liquid that he creates and provides for the disease. I strongly recommend that if you are having any relationship or sickness issues, contact DR koko His email is kokolovespell@yahoo.com or Call/WhatsApp:+2348145090230

  31. My husband was once loving and caring but to a point he stopped and totally forsake me, he wasn’t having time for me because he was having an affair, all he was, i was so devastated that i didn’t know what to do. I did love him so much, even when he was still not caring and was cheating i couldn’t leave cause i still loved him, i sorted for help from every where i could to have my husband back, i luckily found Dr koko who was helping people out on relationship and marriage issues. I went on and contacted him, i explained what i was going through in my marriage, then he assured me that he would help me, i did all that he instructed me to do and then he told me that my husband would return to me after some days, i waited patiently and after some days passed my husband came home one evening and started apologizing to me to forgive him for how he had been treating me, i was so surprised beyond words that i can’t thank him enough. you can reach ( kokolovespell@yahoo.com ) or whats-app +2348145090230

  32. Hello viewers around the Globe, I was despondent because i had a very small penis, about 2.5 inches soft and 4 inches hard not nice enough to satisfy a woman, i have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the internet about this specialist called Dr, OLHIA and i decided to contact him on his website I saw on the : https://olihamiraclemedici.wixsite.com/drolihamiraclemedici so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal pills for Penis Enlargement, Within 3 week of it, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, ” and now it just 4 weeks of using his products my penis is about 9 inches longer, and i had to settle out with my Ex girlfriend Ella, i was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my sex and i have got a large penis. Am so happy, thanks to Dr OLIHA I also learn that Dr OLIHA also helps with Breast Enlargement Hips and Bums Enlargement etc.. If you are in any situation with a little Penis, weak ejaculation, small breast_hips_bums do get to Dr OLIHA now for help on his email {oliha.miraclemedicine@gmail.com} or whats app him number: +2349038382931