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Give Your Kids Some Power
Leaving my unhappy marriage in 2005 was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I wondered if I was scarring my kids for life. I had dismantled the family they knew and loved. They didn’t understand or care about any of my adult reasons. What’s worse, at the time, their parents were acting like angry, distrustful strangers with each other.
I remember crying when, at the third-grade parent-teacher conference, I saw a heart-wrenching essay my older daughter had written expressing intense feelings she wasn’t sharing with me. My kindergarten-aged daughter asked me with haunted eyes, “Do I still have a home?” Guilt was my default emotional setting as well-meaning friends and family fretted and speculated about the long-term impact of our broken family.
Then, one day, I had an epiphany. I realized that, while the divorce was most definitely a traumatic event in their lives, it was also a real-life lesson in resilience. I decided right then and there to be present with them and their pain. I set my intention to use the experience to teach them to recognize, feel and express their feelings. And, when it was time, I included them in the process of building our “new” normal in a way that worked for all of us.
Let Them Make Some Decisions in the Process
To kids, what happens during a divorce is completely out of their control. Major, abrupt changes can leave children feeling insecure and overwhelmed. Living arrangements are often just the beginning. My oldest daughter, who was eight at the time of my divorce, is the kind of kid that likes structure and for things to stay the same. So, the changes that came with the divorce were particularly hard for her. As her dad moved out and she, I and her younger sister downsized to smaller living quarters, she struggled with adjusting.
I knew intuitively that she needed something she could control so I found ways for her to make, or at least contribute to, decisions that impacted her. I brought the girls with me to look at potential new homes. We each shared our “pros” and “cons” list for each place. Once we choose a place, I let her choose the paint color for her room. I let the girls take turns deciding what to make for dinner and I made what they picked, no matter what—this was the origin of our fondly remembered “Steak and Cake” Saturdays.
My younger daughter, who was five, was very sad to leave our old house. So, about a week before the scheduled move, the three of us discussed how to say “goodbye” to our old house. At the store later she spied candle holders and colorful candles and knew instantly what she wanted to do. All during that last week in the house, the three of us lit the candles and walked from room to room. In each room, we said thank you to the house, shared memories and said a blessing for the new family moving in. This gave her a sense of closure and choosing the way we said our goodbyes gave her some of her power back.
Find small, age-appropriate ways your kids can participate in the changes that are impacting them. This will help them feel some sense of engagement and ownership in building your creating your new normal. It honors them as participants whose opinions and needs deserve to be taken into consideration. And, it makes them feel more connected to you and to events.
Next Week: Check the blog, or subscribe if you haven’t already, to get Part 2 of Helping Your Kids To Thrive After Divorce: Give Them An Outlet for Their Feelings.
Deb Purdy, is a transformation coach, speaker, workshop leader and author of
Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter and Happier After Divorce.
Visit www.DebPurdy.com for more information.
Join the conversation on social media:
Instagram: @lovedebpurdy
Twitter: @lovedebpurdy
Facebook: debpurdyofficial
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My husband left me for another woman 3 months ago and ever since then my life has been filled with pain, sorrow and heart break because he was my first love whom I have spent my entire life with. A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called Dr Great that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great spell caster on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 2 days my husband called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through.He came back to me and now we are happy together. I still can’t believe it, because it is highly unbelievable. Thank you Dr.Great for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great spell caster here is the email address:
infinitylovespell@yahoo.com or infinitylovespell@gmail.com
you can also call him or add him on Whats-app:+2348118829899
View his blog http://infinitylovespell1.blogspot.com
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Hello my name is Vivian Marcus from the United State, i’m so exciting writing this article to let people seek for help in any Break up Marriage and Relationship, Dr Kachi brought my Ex Boyfriend back to me, Thank you Sir Kachi for helped so many Relationship situation like mine to be restored, i was in pain until the day my aunt introduce me to Dr Kachi that she got her husband back with powerful love spell with help of Dr Kachi So i sent him an email telling him about my problem how my Boyfriend left me and cheating on me because of her boss lady at work i cry all day and night, but Dr Kachi told me my Boyfriend shall return back to me within 24hrs and to me everything he asked me to do the next day it was all like a dream when he text me and said please forgive me and accept me back exactly what i wanted, i am so happy now as we are back together again. because I never thought my Ex Boyfriend would be back to me so quickly with your spell. You are the best and the world greatest Dr Kachi. if you’re having broke up Ex Lover or your husband left you and moved to another woman, You do want to get Pregnant do not feel sad anymore contact: drkachispellcast@gmail. com his Text Number Call: +1 (209) 893-8075 You can reach him Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site